The American Way

A friend of mine is becoming an American citizen. Apparently it is quite an ordeal. After she filed a rather large stack of paper work, she's had her fingerprints taken for documentation purposes. The only place she could go to do it was the state capitol, two hours from where she lives. And now comes the written test.

This thing is ridiculous. The study guide is 30 pages of totally useless information about this country. What do the stars on the flag mean? Who wrote the national anthem? Since when does any of this stuff have anything to do with being an American? Ask her who she voted for on the last American Idol. "What's the coolest thing you've seen on Youtube lately?" If she doesn't know what Youtube is, she's either a grandmother or a spy.

Our national anthem doesn't seem that important to me anyway. Maybe there's a reason most people don't know all the words. I had to look this up, but we've only had it for 70 years, and it was written about the War of 1812. What was that war about again? I don't know that I can even bring myself to look it up on Wikipedia. But there's nothing in the Star Spangled Banner about equality, or democracy, or the freedoms of speech and inalienable rights we give all our citizens (great selling points when you're contemplating paying $400 to become one). All the things that are supposedly important about this country, and they're nowhere in sight. The song's really about a bunch of pretty explosions, and hey look there's a pretty flag! Now more bombs bursting in air! There is the word "free" in there, once. It shows up more in the original poem, the line is used as a refrain, but it comes off like a tie in to how cool it is against a night sky lit by cannon fire and our enemies recently set on fire.

Come to think of it, it might be more American than I first thought.